watch your tone

I try to say kind things to my kids. Or at least to not say anything that is unkind or hurtful. I know the power that words can have, how something negative can stick in your brain and stay with you years after the fact. So I want my words to them to be uplifting and loving and true. And I obviously have to say things to them that they don't enjoy hearing like, "Please go pick up your legos" or "I need you to stop doing that." But even those sorts of things can be said in a loving way. And that is where I fall short quite often. My words may be neutral or loving, but my tone can be judgemental and harsh.
I hear it in myself and it makes me cringe. It's this tone that conveys exasperation or impatience. A tone that says, "Really? How could you not realize that?" even while my words are encouraging them to keep trying or assuring them that it's okay.
I don't know if the boys are old enough yet to have picked up on the subtle nuances of my tone. However, they are able to pick up that I'm unhappy even if they can't interpret it. And at some point, my tone will begin to carry more weight than my words and I will hurt my children. They will sense it and feel that they can never live up to my expectations. I don't know where the cycle goes from there. I just know that I don't want it to continue.
So my goal for this month and the next is to pay attention to those moments when my tone conveys something that I don't want it to. Or those moments when I use my tone to tell them how I'm really feeling and then tell myself it is okay because I didn't use any harsh words. If I don't pay attention to those moments, then I will just continue to do it without thinking about it. I doubt it will be a fun exercise but if the end result leads to me being more gentle and loving in both my tone and my words, then it is worth a few (or a lot) of moments of feeling like I've messed up again.

photo from: www.abccopywriting.com