motherhood with a side of guilt

I've started to notice a trend. The theme of my journey into motherhood seems to be guilt. I want to say it's love or joy or tenderhearted moments. But it isn't. It's guilt.
It started at the hospital. I felt guilty for sending my babies back to the nursery at night time instead of sleeping them in my room. And it just continued from there.  
-I felt guilty for thinking breastfeeding was a duty and not understanding those moms who talked about it like it was the most beautiful thing in the world
-I felt guilty for signing my kids up for preschool and being excited for the break
-I feel guilty when I don't read them a bedtime story
-I feel guilty when I let them watch an extra tv show
-I feel guilty when I don't let them help me make pancakes
-I feel guilty when I lose my temper
-I feel guilty for not having a craft closet
-I feel guilty for not sitting by the bathtub and playing pirates with them during bathtime
-I feel guilty for praying that we don't have a snow day
-I feel guilty for wanting them to just sleep in
-I feel guilty for needing nap time so desperately

This is what motherhood has become for me. It comes from this idea I have in my head of what a mom should be. Some of it is perpetuated by my culture and the people around me. Some of it comes after reading blogs with moms who homeschool eight kids and make it seem like every day is rainbows and kittens. Sometimes it hits me after hearing other moms talk about how glad they are to have their kids home from school for the holiday. The guilt creeps in and tells me that I'm not doing a good job, that I'm not paying enough attention to my kids, that if I was only a better mom I could fix that behavior. It tells me that my kids won't be okay because I couldn't meet the standard.
Sometimes the guilt is good. It can be a reminder to me that I want to try harder and I want to be the best mom that I can. But, more often than not, I allow the guilt to paralyze me. I use it to chastise myself. It doesn't improve my parenting. How can I be a better parent when I'm telling myself that I'm terrible at it? Doesn't exactly build confidence.
I want to let go of the guilt. I want to take this one day at a time and be okay with the emotions that come along with it. I want to enjoy my kids and be okay with those moments when I really want a break. I want to make pancakes by myself but also take time to let my kids help me once in a while. I want to be confident in my skills as a mom and know that I'm doing a great job.

photo from: nathanrouse.org