every woman's dream?

When Sam and I were looking at houses we both had our areas that we inspected. He was very much about the "feel" of the house while also looking at the practical issues of utilities and the condition of water heaters, furnaces and other large metal contraptions in the basement. I was more about the practicalities of every day living. Were the closets spacious and if not, could we fit a dresser into the room? How many electrical outlets were in each room? Was the laundry in the basement or on the first or second floor? And I was always concerned with the "feel" of the kitchen.
I spend 75% of my day in the kitchen, making meals and cleaning up after them. I enjoy cooking. Cleaning up, not so much. But regardless, the fact remains that I spend a lot of time in that one room. So I'm always looking for a kitchen that feels like it is part of the rest of the house and not boxed off.
Our new home has a galley kitchen that is boxed in and lacks space. So we've decided to redo it which sounds like a dream come true. I can plan out my own kitchen down to every last detail. I can make it efficient and warm and inviting.
That's what I was thinking until we sat down with a very helpful kitchen planner. You don't realize how big a fridge is until it is taking up space in your kitchen that you wanted for something else, like a pantry. And then you realize how much these people want you to pay for one cupboard. I suggested that we just nail milk crates to the wall and use those instead. I had no idea how much a kitchen install would cost and when it came time to hear how much just our cupboards and counter top were going to run us, I had to get up and walk away.
I have been having dreams about cupboards ever since. Sam tells me to relax but the last thing I want to do is make a mistake and plan it incorrectly. This will be my kitchen for the next 20 years so I can't exactly come back to him a year from now and say, "I really wish we had gotten more drawers instead of cupboards on the bottom." I have to get it right. It's also hard for me to know that I'm the reason we are spending so much money on wooden boxes with doors on them.
By the time we left, I was so frustrated and depressed that I told Sam I didn't want to move anymore. After talking to my mom, she challenged me to just enjoy this process. We are getting a new house and I'm am too fearful over money to even enjoy this gift. I would love a gorgeous kitchen with all of the latest technology and innovations. But I love being able to buy groceries and having money in our savings account even more. However, I'm learning that I can tend to make money my savior. I want it there to bring me a sense of security and safety. I'm not saying that I should be unwise with our finances but maybe I need to learn to trust God more. For all I know, we could be completely destitute in four months or we could go through our lives without every coming up against a big financial crisis. The point is that I don't know what the future holds but I'm hoping that I can learn to put my trust in God rather than in my savings account. And that I can maybe enjoy my new kitchen.

photo by: paul malon  http://www.flickr.com/photos/paulmalon/5158179352/