doors

You would think that after my grand revelation early Monday morning, I would be posting about how fantastic the past few days have been. I would write about how much fun we've had together and how I've discovered a whole new level of joy in motherhood. But this is reality and reality is messy and ugly and I'm smack dab in the middle of a whole bunch of ugly.
Today I've been daydreaming about doors. Big, solid doors with deadbolts that are too high up for anyone under 5' to reach. I need more doors in my life. Sometimes I just need somewhere to escape to.  There is a constant pull on me. I'm Mommy and therefore I am responsible for everything from putting on shoes to wiping heinies. And heaven forbid if I don't do something quickly enough. The words "in a minute" can throw my children into conniptions. That's right, conniptions. And I think about how long it took me to see my mom as a real person with her own needs and desires instead of as the person whose sole purpose in life was to take care of me and I want to curl up into the fetal position because I'm never going to make it.

photo by: .I travel East.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/i_travel_east/4106091666/