frenemies

Yesterday was Caia's four month check-up. She will actually be five months old in four days. I am almost always behind on scheduling doctors appointments. Anyway, the doctor weighed her three times, twice on two separate digital scales and once on a manual scale while a nurse held her. Turns out she hasn't gained any weight since her two month check-up. In fact, she actually dropped a pound and is only one ounce heavier than she was at her one month appointment.
Thankfully, the doctor didn't seem concerned. She kept squeezing Caia's chubby thighs and mumbling, "She sure doesn't look like she only weighs 13 pounds." I took that as a good sign.
It basically boils down to the fact that my milk isn't cutting it. Either she isn't getting enough or the quality just isn't up to par. So I have to start supplementing with formula and start her on solids right away.
I really don't mind. It feels a little bit rushed since I breastfed both boys until they decided to stop at nine months, and I didn't start them on food until they were six months.  But I don't think that I will miss the breastfeeding. I'm not enchanted by it like some moms that I know. I never really saw it as a beautiful bonding time with my baby. It was more like a jail sentence. This thing that only I could do for my child meaning that I could never get a break. So I won't necessarily be upset when she has weaned herself completely.
There is one thing that will be difficult. Right now, whenever she sees me, my little girl breaks out a fantastic smile. She is in love with me and the feeling is mutual. But soon, that smile will be bestowed on my new frenemy, her bottle. I will be displaced in her affections by powdered formula and a rubber nipple. It's a sad way to go.