doritos

Sometimes I ask Sam to stop on his way home from work and pick something up. It is rare that he forgets and when he does it usually isn't a big deal. We adapt and switch the dinner plans to hot dogs or frozen pizza. But last week, he forgot and it was kind of a big deal.
The weekend before he had pulled a bag of Doritos out of our pantry, exclaiming, "Yes! This is what I was looking for." I had just bought them that morning so that I could make taco salad later in the week. I know how hard it is to stop eating them after you start so I asked (maybe I ordered) him to stop and put them back. He continued to open the bag, assuring me that he would go out and buy more that very day. Yeah, that didn't happen. Saturday passed. Sunday passed. And suddenly it was Monday and I needed to make the salad before my tomatoes weren't usable. Sam promised that he would stop on the way home and pick up a bag of Doritos.
And when he came in the door empty-handed, I didn't say anything. He realized it when he walked into the kitchen and saw the huge bowl of salad all ready to go. I was frustrated that he had eaten them when I asked him not to but I was ready to go with the flow. He apologized for forgetting and I told him that it was okay and that was why I had asked him not to eat them in the first place. And to this he responded by saying, "But I thought you had two bags." And that is when going with the flow went right out the window. Why would I ask/order him to stop eating them if I had a back-up bag? Why would I ask him to stop on the way home and get some if I had a back-up bag? Why?
Shortly after that conversation he left for a class at our church. And I sat at home feeling unheard and frustrated.
It is rare that Sam and I have arguments but it happens, just like it happens for every couple. And most of the time, it stems from some sort of miscommunication. He says one thing and I hear another. Or I tell him something and he forgets. Or I let out my breath and huff rather than telling him what's on my mind. In this case, to him, it was just a bag of Doritos, but to me, it was more than that. And I'm pretty sure he picked up on that because when he came home he apologized again.
It will happen again. It hopefully won't involve Doritos but it will happen. And it's okay, as long as it isn't intentional. As long as we are continually trying to place the other person first. And as long as we are willing to admit when we mess up.

photo by Erik Renko  http://www.flickr.com/photos/erikrenko/5339708966/