done

It's not a good night. I feel overwhelmed. I feel incapable of keeping up with what needs to be done. I don't feel up to the task of being a mother which is rather unfortunate because I am far from done. I am just missing the days when I could complete a task and have it stay completed. When my work wasn't undone by someone spilling milk on the floor or dumping clothes out of a laundry basket because they needed a place to hide. I have 28 minutes until my boys go to bed. They are watching shows and everything is quiet and easy right now. But when I look away from this computer screen I will see the chaos and the mess. And I won't even know where to start. I can clear off the table or straighten the foyer. But it is hard to motivate myself when I know that the mess will be back in a matter of hours, if not minutes. Like I said, not a good night. I'm just so glad that this day will pass and that tomorrow will be new. I will have a night of rest and hopefully be able to approach my day with energy and enthusiasm, or at the very least, determination.
And I know that much harder challenges wait for me. The years will continue to go by and I will be dealing with bullies, broken hearts, crushed dreams, defiance that is far beyond refusing to get into a seat at dinnertime. And I will wish for these days. But this is where I am and today I am overwhelmed and it is okay. The world will go on and all shall be well no matter if my house gets picked up or I spend my night crying on the couch while I stuff my face with chocolate.  

photo by TS Gentuso  http://www.flickr.com/photos/tsgentuso/362134335/