snapped

This morning I officially "lost it". It was over the insignificant matter of Truett throwing his cereal all over the floor and then refusing to pick it up. Normally I would just wait him out, telling him that he isn't allowed to play with any toys or do anything else until he picks up his cereal. But today we had plans to meet a friend at the park and there just wasn't any time to wait him out.
And I am ashamed to say that the moment came when I was yelling and jumping up and down. Seriously. I was actually jumping up and down as I screamed out my frustration. And the absolute worst part is, that as I was doing it, I wasn't worrying about the affect on Truett or how awful I was being. Instead, I was worrying about whether or not the neighbors could hear me.
Needless to say, an apology followed.
I related the incident to my friend later and she said, "Been there, done that." I love her for admitting that stuff to me. It makes me feel that I can pick myself back up and try again. But it is still scary to me that I can get to that point. I want to be one of those moms who disciplines her children with just a look. That look that conveys disappointment and the belief that they can do better. But I either haven't mastered the look yet or my kids don't really care if I'm disappointed in their behavior. My mom had that look down pat and I have a feeling she would have turned it on me this morning if she had been at my house. Today my actions were disappointing and I'm capable of so much better.

photo by: Pink Sherbet Photography  http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/3818974672/