The second thing I found myself worrying about had to do with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. As I said previously, they had gone and picked blueberries the week before. They knew that I wanted to get out and pick some and they also know how difficult it can be for me to get certain things done with three kids hanging around. And so they offered to come with me and help me out. My mother-in-law worked next to me, picking berries and keeping the boys from getting into trouble. My sister-in-law spent the morning pushing Caia around in a stroller and then walking with Truett once he left the blueberry patch.
They volunteered to do this. And yet, I found myself worrying and feeling guilty. What if they only wanted to be out there for a half hour and I was still picking after an hour? What if Caia was screaming her head off and Libby was bothered that I was taking too long? What if Bev was keeping her cool on the surface but was internally frustrated with the kids and was wishing that I would hurry up?
Again, I was worrying about what other people may, or may not, have been thinking. I think this is a fairly common thing. It isn't a bad thing for me to be concerned about Bev and Lib's feelings. But there has to be a point when I trust that Libby and Bev would tell me if they were ready to go or wanted me to hurry it up. And I had to remind myself of that as I was picking. I had to trust that their offer to help me was genuine and that I wasn't a bother to them. Not the easiest thing to do.
So as I picked blueberries and worried about the thoughts of everyone around me, I think God was trying to teach me to just let go. I can't control what other people think of me or my kids. And when I spend my time worrying about it, the only person that is affected by that is me. Who would have thought picking blueberries could be such a deep experience? :)
photo by: mellow_stuff http://www.flickr.com/photos/mellow_stuff/5171859344/
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