swearing off anger - part 1

I have never thought of myself as an angry person. I get frustrated and I can get snippy but it usually takes a lot to push me into angry. At least, it used to take a lot. Now all it takes is hearing the word "no" too many times in the same day. Or seeing one of my kids smile while they are being disciplined. The frustration builds and simmers and boils over into anger.
There are two problems with this. The first is that I don't like who I am when I'm angry. I don't like the tone that I use or the way I feel. The second is that it doesn't seem to accomplish anything. It just teaches my boys that they don't have to listen to me until I start yelling. It teaches them to flinch away from Mommy because you might get your hand smacked. It teaches them that yelling is an acceptable way to deal with problems.
When I get angry, the problems don't go away. They just escalate. My kids start yelling or become even more defiant and I get angrier and it becomes a cycle that ends with at least one person in tears.
The other night when Tru decided to empty out his diaper, there was a lot of anger going around. And as Sam and I sat on the couch afterwards and talked about how defeated we feel, I told him that I think we are messing up. That we might actually be making things worse. We have become the kind of parents who get angry and use threats. They don't go to sleep so we go stomping upstairs and tell them to lay down and be quiet or else. It doesn't work and it's exhausting.
So I'm switching tactics.

photo by: DaveJC90  http://www.flickr.com/photos/33607628@N02/5323254577/