being tested

It seems like anytime you make up your mind to do something that is outside of your normal mode of operating, you end up being tested. Is your conviction strong enough? Do you have enough faith to see you through? Can you push past setbacks and not let failure stop you in your tracks? Or will you fall back into old patterns?
Last week, after a particularly awful night where Sam and I traded off on being the unhinged parent, I made a decision to tamp down on my anger. I decided that I wanted to be calm and collected and matter-of-fact with my kids. If they chose to disobey, then there would be a consequence. There wouldn't be warnings or discussions and there wouldn't be time to get ramped up and angry.
And, almost as if they knew, my kids threw everything they had at me last week. Screaming, hitting, name-calling. And the cherry on top of the bad behavior sundae was finding them in the bathroom on Saturday morning. The sink was stopped up with water, they had emptied out four different tubes of toothpaste, and the roll of toilet paper was nowhere to be found. It was 7am. I was tired and I wanted nothing more than to let loose and rage around. But, by the grace of God, I was able to remain calm.
It is nice to know that I can discipline my kids without getting angry. Because when I get angry, I tend to hold on to it for a good part of the day. I allow it to affect how I treat my kids for hours after the offense. But when I'm calm, I can discipline them and then move on. I don't hold on to the behavior and I'm able to meet the next bad behavior from a place of normalcy. Because the next undesired behavior is never far behind the first one. It's a fact of life.

photo by Dandy Dons Ice Cream  http://www.flickr.com/photos/dandydons/3547146127/