going under

I am not very good at keeping tabs on my stress level. Most of the time I really don't feel stressed out. Life is going along all nice and smooth and then WHAM!! I've turned into this maniacal raging monster or I'm crying over something trivial. That's when I know that the stress has caught up to me. It's almost like being in the ocean near the shore. You bob along in the waves, enjoying the sun and the lulling motion of the water. But every so often a huge wave appears and if you aren't prepared for it the next thing you know, you are tumbling under water scrambling to hold onto your swimsuit while you figure out which way is up.
Last week my mom bought us a crib tent. We were at our wits end with trying to keep Truett in his bed. And as she handed the box to me the clouds parted and a beam of light shone around it while angels sang. Okay, not really. But I was pretty excited. That lasted until I tried putting it together and quickly realized that I did not possess the ability to do it on my own without help. And as I was throwing the entire thing out into the hallway, growling with frustration, a tiny part of me wondered if I was possibly overreacting.
I ignored that small part and instead attempted to install a door knob cover. If I couldn't keep him in his bed then I was at least going to keep him in his room. But try as I might, that cover was not going to fit over our old-fashioned door knobs. And that is when the tears came. Up until that point, I really hadn't felt stressed over the whole getting-out-of-bed-and-tearing-apart-the-room situation. I found it annoying but figured it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. However, crying over a door knob cover is not the action of someone who is handling it.
One of these days I will learn that I can't control everything and that it is okay to ask for help. Probably not today, but one of these days.

photo by CubaGallery  http://www.flickr.com/photos/cubagallery/4855923781/