no more yelly mcyellerson

It seems as though we've regressed over the last week or so. Tru has reverted back to old habits; screaming and threatening and refusing to listen. Jem has been full of excuses for his bad behavior; claiming that he didn't see the book he was kicking around the room or that he didn't know they shouldn't secretly eat half a bag of chocolate chips. And I have resurrected angry Mommy. There has been yelling and exasperated huffing and frustration oozing out of me. And of course, there have also been many apologies and hugs and pardons, both given and received.
I don't like where we are heading. I don't like how easy it is to slip back into old patterns. Here I was, thinking that I've been doing so much better, when really it was just that my kids were behaving. The good behavior stops and I'm no longer calm and controlled. This isn't who I want it to be.
Today I came across a blog site called www.theorangerhino.com. A few friends had liked one of her posts so I decided to check it out. She set a challenge for herself to not yell at her kids (4 boys) for 365 days. She talked about the benefits she has seen from this challenge, besides simply not yelling at her kids, and it was enough for me to want to try it.
I can remember back to the first two or three years of my journey as a Mom. The idea that I would ever need to challenge myself to not yell at my kids would have seemed ridiculous. Yelling? Who does that? And then that day came when my composure snapped and I found myself with my nose inches away from my child's nose, screaming at him. I had yelled before, but never at my child. And then it happened again, and again until it became something that I now want to challenge myself to stop doing. So I am going to start with 30 days. I find I do better with that sort of thing if I set smaller goals for myself and work them into a bigger goal. If I can make it 30 days, then the next time I can make it 60 days. Eventually, it will add up to 365 days. An entire year without yelling. Today I feel like I have a better shot at growing a pair of wings but I'll never know unless I try. And this is something worth trying.

photo by gd427driver http://www.flickr.com/photos/gd427driver/3156345314/