going off

Sometimes the frustration builds and the anger comes on quick. My hands aren't gentle and my voice isn't calm. Words come out that I wish I could take back. The moment passes and the defiant, naughty child who was the target of my anger is skipping around the family room while I am huddled on a chair in the dining room crying.
This isn't any good. My anger does nothing to help the situation. My children don't respond to it. I feel like an awful human being afterwards. But this parenting business is hard and I don't know how to navigate my way through it without stumbling. And every stumble brings the guilt and the fear that I'm a terrible mom. And there aren't any days without a stumble. Some are just worse than others.
Right now, at this moment, I am defeated. But I will not linger here. I will give myself grace. I will see my stumbles as part of the process and move through them. And maybe I will start counting to five before I react to the next escapade.

photo from: missourigrassrootscoalition.org