Right now the boys are really into books about monsters. This past week, we went to the library and got out seven books with a monster theme. Nothing scary of course. Just fun stuff. And most of them have been enjoyable. I do have to complain about one of them though and it has nothing to do with the monster theme.
This particular book is all about the different choices that a monster can make and how each choice can lead to a different ending. For example, the monster could eat you or it could become your friend. If it eats you, the story is over. If it becomes your friend, you can take it to school where it faces the next choice of fitting in or eating the principal.
Halfway through the story, the monster meets a girl and either scares her away or gives her a rose. If he gives her the rose they fall in love and kiss. When they kiss either he turns into a handsome young man and the story ends or she turns into a monster. And here is the part that rubs me the wrong way. When the girl turns into a monster, the two possibilities are that the monster will say that they are both monsters and should just get married or that he will say, "Uuuuuuurgh!!! You look horrible now!"
So one page before that, the monster gives her a rose and they fall in love. And now, she looks just like him and suddenly he is saying that she is too unattractive to be with. What?! I find myself wanting to yell at this fictional monster. I want to ask him what his deal his. Is he really that shallow? And yes, I get that it is just a kids' book and I'm getting all worked up for no reason but I can't help being angry about the message it sends. Of course, my boys have no idea that it is implying that looks are more important than anything else. They just see a book about monsters and think it's wonderful. I hope they stay ignorant of those types of things for a long time yet but this book doesn't help.
Caia has become fascinated by the dishwasher. This means that she toddles over to it and presses buttons. And that means that I have been going over many times during the day to set the child lock. For some reason, my dishwasher's child lock can only be set when the dish washer is powered on and it will then shut itself off after a few minutes of not being used. Works great for the times that I'm running a load of dishes but rather impractical otherwise.
Today, instead of walking over and setting the child lock and continuing to let her push the buttons, I used my arm to block her from the buttons and firmly said, "no." She smiled up at me sweetly and turned away from the dishwasher and left it alone for the rest of the day.
Okay, that isn't how it happened. Actually, she screwed up her face in frustration and anger and tried to pull my arm out of the way. After several seconds of this, she realized that I wasn't going to move and threw herself onto my legs in a fit of tears. We had to repeat the whole scene several times and I'm sure we will continue to repeat it. Part of me wants to just put the child lock on because it means I don't have to stand there and it means that she won't cry. But another part of me knows that sooner or later, she will need to learn the word no. She will have to realize that her big blue eyes and dimples won't get her everything she wants and that some things are off-limits. It's not a fun lesson but lessons rarely are.
I have a hard time asking for help. Take this morning for instance. I was in the middle of feeding the kids breakfast when the phone rang. I was surprised to see Sam's name on the caller id. I thought he had maybe forgotten something or possibly had some news on our still unsold house. Instead, he greets me with the news that he is on his way to the ER because the stomach cramp he mentioned earlier that morning had gotten much, much worse. I asked him if he wanted me to come with him and he said there really wasn't anything I could do. Besides, I had all of the kids and I knew he was right. I wouldn't be able to do anything for him except be there. But I really, really wanted to be there and the only way to make that happen was to ask for help.
I'm ashamed to say that there was a moment, just a moment, when I thought about taking Tru to school and going to the ER with Jem and Caia in tow. Simply because I didn't want to call and ask for help. I didn't want to interrupt someone else's day, someone else's plans. I didn't want to be a burden. I was worried that it might come off as me simply trying to get some free time away from the kids. But I swallowed all of those things down and picked up the phone and made some calls. Because I've learned that while asking someone for help, especially the take-my-kids-for-me kind of help, might inconvenience them, it can actually be more damaging to not ask. When I refuse to ask for help, I keep myself distant from the people around me. On the other hand, when I ask someone for help, I give them the ability to come alongside me and share in my journey. I give them the opportunity to be a blessing and I learn the humility that comes with needing to be blessed.
So today, I share this along with my sincere gratitude to my mom, my mother-in-law, and my father-in-law. They allowed me to interrupt their days and gave me the time and freedom to go and sit with Sam at the hospital and to be with him at home without needing to care for anyone else. They blessed me with their willingness to watch my kids. So to them I say a simple but heartfelt thank you!
photo by:LiminalMike
http://www.flickr.com/photos/revcyborg/5228173/
Yesterday morning, I came downstairs to find Truett lying behind the couch, with an empty honey bottle dangling from his hand, honey dripping from his chin. I briefly considered turning back around and pretending that I hadn't seen anything. Avoidance and ignorance have their benefits. But then I came to my senses and realized that I couldn't let this go. So I walked closer and waited for Tru to realize I was there. He started guiltily but couldn't keep the smile off of his face. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Eating some honey." (Kids are always so good at stating the obvious.)
We had a chat about why taking the honey off of the counter and drinking it was wrong. Thankfully it had been mostly empty anyways but still. He was told that he couldn't have any special snacks for that day and that he shouldn't take food without asking.
Then, a few days later, I came downstairs to find the step stool sitting in front of one of the kitchen cupboards. Sam had been using it the night before to hang curtain rods and had left it in the dining room. Tru had been upstairs with me so I knew he wasn't the culprit. I looked at Jem and asked him why he had moved the stool. He hemmed and hawed for a little bit and then admitted to taking a piece of gum. So I went through the same thing with him.
These are really the first food sneaking incidents that we've had but I know more will be coming. I used to sneak food and so did my brother. I remember sneaking chocolate chips when I could find my dad's secret stash. My brother hid cans of cranberry sauce in his room one year, worried that he wouldn't get his fill at Thanksgiving. In fact, if I'm being honest, I still do it. I grab something that I don't want the kids to have and try to eat it while they are out of the room. It must be in the genes.
It definitely makes me more careful about what I leave out on the counter top and it also motivated me to put the step stool away rather than just continuing to walk around it. There is always a bright side to everything it seems. Who knew?
photo by: danmachold http://www.flickr.com/photos/mybloodyself/2085880298/ (changes by me)
Me: What did you learn about today buddy?
Jem: We learned about sheep and shepherds. The shepherd had to find his sheep because one was missing. And there was another guy who wanted to jump so high and run so fast and he got stuck in a deep hole.
There was some silence after that as we tried to figure out how the guy who fell in a hole fit in with the sheep. We couldn't quite figure it out so Sam asked him instead about the craft he did. Both boys came out of Sunday school with a ruler.
Sam: What is the ruler for?
Jem: To measure things Dad. (obviously)
Sam: Yeah, but why did you get one today?
Tru: Because God's love is so big that we can't measure it.
Jem: You can't measure God. You would need twenty three forty rulers. (Jem hasn't quite figured out large numbers yet)
Me: Wait, tell me again about the man in the hole.
Jem. He tried to run farther and jump higher than any of the other sheep and he got caught in the woods.
Me: Okay, so was it a man or a sheep? Maybe you were learning about the lost sheep.
Jem: It was maybe a sheep or maybe a man.
Tru: It was a sheep Mom.
photo by: staflo
http://www.flickr.com/photos/staflo/6227690623/
The boys are starting to become more and more interested in imaginative play. I am so excited. I love to listen to them play out scenarios which more often than not include heroes and bad guys or monsters. I love that they are using their imaginations and being creative. I just wish they would wait a few more years before they ask me to join them.
It isn't that I don't enjoy playing with them. Want to go on a treasure hunt? Sure! Want to pretend that you are a monster and chase us around? Sounds fun! Want to play with my Lego men and pretend that you are the bad guy and I'm the hero? Um...no. Why don't I just turn the tv on for you sweetie.
Right now, playing with Lego men means that I stand my Lego man in one place while Jem defeats him by plowing into him. There is no back story, nothing beyond "I win. You lose." And really? How long can that go on? After two minutes I can feel my brain shutting down, waving goodbye and saying, "Well, if you don't need me..."
I know that at some point, their pretend play will become more involved. I remember playing with barbies and G.I. Joes and he-man (I had an older brother). There would be elaborate scenarios of danger and rescue. Epic battles were fought and undying love was sworn. But that won't happen for them until they are older. (The undying love thing probably won't happen at all. I have a feeling that might be mostly a girl thing.) So for now, it means that playing with the Lego men is a fairly uncomplicated thing, one that I do not enjoy.
It's quite possible that this is another place in my parenting journey where I can mark myself down as sub-par. Maybe I'm supposed to be completely engaged with the Lego men. Maybe I'm supposed to enjoy it simply because my child does. But that isn't how I think parenting works. I will continue to play with the Lego men because my child asks me to and because I know that he enjoys it. However, I think it might be okay that I'm not really a fan. I'm not a fan of scrubbing toilets but I do that once a week. I'm not a fan of driving a mini-van but I do that every single day. There are some things that I simply have to do, not because I love doing them but because I love my family. And that has to count for something.
Tru has always been a little bit doppy. Until just recently, he had a tendency to fall down a lot. He is one of those kids who runs while looking at stuff all around him rather than his destination. He once drove a friends kid-sized four-wheeler into the broad side of their very large shed, simply because he was looking down at his feet instead of in front of him.
Now the doppiness is mixing in with the impulsiveness and creating quite a few messes. A few nights ago he decided to throw a pillow into the air while he was watching shows. He can't throw it up and catch it so of course it went careening into the end table and knocked over a glass of ice water.
Today at lunch he wanted to know what kind of chips were on the counter. The impulsiveness means that he couldn't just ask. He had to touch it and lift it up. And the doppiness or lack of concentration means that the bag ended up on the floor, chips spilling everywhere. This was followed by a half-eaten strawberry that was dropped on his Oma's beige carpet and a bowl of m&m's that went tumbling off of the table because he can't sit in his seat without wiggling around.
This is another one of those places where I'm stuck. I'm trying to figure out how to curb the impulsiveness without destroying the inquisitiveness. I want him to be curious about things and to explore. I just wish he could do it without leaving a trail of destruction behind him.
photo from:
www.come-over.to -
